To whom it may concern (between the cows and cow owners):
Due to the sporadic nature of the refutation of the accusations, the Maddened Cow Society (henceforth referred to as “The Society”) will keep responses short and to the point. We appreciate the cows and the caretakers of the cows’ willingness to engage in negotiations to bring this sad series of events to a close. We will remain confident that all concerns can be resolved swiftly, soundly and with as little use of butcher knives and slaughter house facilities as possible.
Concerning the freshmen reputation issue: The Maddened Cow Society limited the argument to the freshmen class. The Society limited the argument to the Debate Team’s freshmen class. We are very grateful to the cows’ and cow caretakers’ parents and teachers to teaching them effective mathematics content and skills. We have high hopes for the future of the country and future farms of America. The malicious nature of the reputation damage is significant and far reaching as ever.
The nature of the harm of the cows can be explained further during eventual mediation as it is sensitive on a number of different levels. It affects members of the team, coaching staff and families (both animal and humans). Please respect the confidentiality of this and bring the cows to the negotiating table if you would like to hear elaboration.
Concerning the unoriginality issue: The Maddened Cow Society was clear as to how the cows and caretakers are unoriginal. Just because there are different animals, this doesn’t mean that they are entirely different situation. Plastic animals causing problems for debate is not a new idea. Neither are the subsequent ideas and elaborations and societies, religions, etc. It has happened during the past two seasons. Similarity has resulted in votes for plaintiffs. See Winklevoss vs. Zuckerberg. The settlement was huge in favor of the Winklevoss brothers ($65,000,000).
Concerning the educational issue: The Maddened Cow Society was clear as to how the cows and caretakers education is affected. The damage is already done as the Cows have made an appearance in class. Thus, the education of those affected has already happened. Teachers have a very full plate and taking time to have a picture taken could have prevented grading from happening, emails to parents, etc. Additionally, just because Ryan Cow took part in a lesson doesn’t mean he was beneficial to the learning process. One can deduce that a plastic animal being used as currency or as something to barter with in a high school classroom of freshmen resulted in some decreased credibility of the content being taught. The full effectiveness of the lesson was not achieved because of the lack of maturity.
Concerning the intellectual property theft: This goes with the lack of originality argument, which was poorly dealt with by the caretakers. The Maddened Goat Society thanks the caretakers for the definition which helps prove our point. The FBI definition of IPR “everything from trade secrets and proprietary products and part s to movies and music and software” does nothing but clarify what type of IPR theft happens. The “caretakers” of Sofar and Shofar were specialists, hence having trade secrets, at causing disturbances within the debate team and specialists in the area of plastic animal society creation. Clearly this has happened as cows are married (like the Goatinanians), have a religion (like the Goatinanians), have Facebook pages (like the Goatinanians), among other things.
Concerning the illegal immigration: While the Maddened Cow Society recognizes the credibility of Facebook for factual information, we respectfully disagree with Ryan and Audrey Cow’s hometown of being Amana. They may claim Amana as their hometown, but the fact of the matter is these plastic toys are made in China. It is on the side of the cows. It would be unfortunate for us to have to notify the INS on this matter.
Concerning the biological weapons: Unfortunately for the caretakers, there is a lack of research done. While the CDC may believe there is “not a threat to people and no human health risks are associated with the disease,” this simply is not true. According to the Organic Consumers Association, “Beginning in 1921 up to 1969 at least 38 papers were published, which described clinically manifest FMD in man in more than 40 proven cases. One further reported described an asymptomatic infection with FMD in man.” Furthermore, the Illini Dairy Papers notes, “Humans are evidently slightly susceptible and may develop vesicles (or blisters) in the mouth or on hands. Cases of human infection are rare, even among people working with infected animals and materials. In addition, humans are susceptible to a related enterovirus that causes hand, foot and mouth disease.” The United States Military clarifies that chemical agents have varying degrees of effects and degrees (blister agents, blood agents, nerve agents and choking agents).
Despite the public assurances that the Cow family is healthy, the Maddened Cow Society is requesting a clean bill of health for both Ryan and Audrey and signed medical documents assuring the public under threat of a malpractice suit that the Cow’s do not have a disease in the dormant period of infection. If I were a veterinarian, I would not sign such a document.
Concerning the promotion of religion: We are almost inclined to let this go, but the fact of the matter is that it did happen. While asking if the Cows had promoted Waldox; the student asking about it, there is an implicit promotion of that specific religion happening. Thank you for proving our argument.
Concerning the defamation claim: We can accept that the cows are not guilty of any defamation, but there is an argument against the caretakers. The coaches are fragile people and calling our actions “sad,” are really hurtful. We have been ridiculed and shunned by debaters because of our desire to teach young freshmen effective argumentation skills using their interests. In this case, the cows are the basis (like Sofar, Shofar and Sillypants before them). Further, the caretakers have not been “spammed.” The Maddened Goat Society has connections to the authors of the Debate blog, and the caretakers are readers of it. They choose to read the blog and determine if the posts are relevant to them. They are responsible for reading the blog and at not time were these posts sent to their private email accounts to be labeled as spam.
Concerning the educational environment: See the education issue. And students are still giving extemp speeches if they choose to come. We also are having effective practice sessions for 8th graders, meaning your claims of an ineffective educational environment are false.
Concerning the transformation issue: Since it is not a “real accusation,” the Maddened Cow Society isn’t sure what it is since it has neither evidence nor a warrant to back it. It has been accepted as fact. Sentencing for the crime of transformation is being considered at present. We are glad that there is an acceptance of increased immaturity with no influence of the cows, just the caretakers as that is who is charged. Prepare for sentencing.
