WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE: THE TWO GOATS KNOWN AS "SOFAR" AND "SHOFAR"
Any information given to the coaches leading to the apprehension and execution of the two goats will be rewarded accordingly. If anyone "delivers" the goats to us for said execution the value of the reward will be substantial. An even higher reward will be paid for the "dead" delivery of the two goats. Otherwise a public execution shall be held so all who have had it with the goats will be able to rest comfortably knowing the goats are gone. The goats have been convicted of the crime of transforming two freshmen girls back into 5th graders.
