(Note: this was translated into English from the original Shakespearean.)
OH HEYYYY Peasants,
I was asked to write you a letter about what happened to me when I was in
your situation two years ago. I accepted immediately—house arrest is
very, very boring.
I’m assuming that your opponents are not the DGS, since you are, after
all, cows. However, no doubt they are just as ruthless and cruel. You
will be tortured and held as hostages. You will be subjugated to videos
of others of your kind screaming in pain. YOU WILL BE FORCED TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR HUSBAND.
Things will not be easy for your human friends either. Obviously this is
a stressful situation for all involved—especially since finals are coming
up. If they are truly dedicated to you, they will have to take time away
from studying to write cases that cite the Geneva Conventions and the Red
Cross because of how terribly you’re being treated.
If you refuse to cooperate, PREPARE YOURSELVES. THERE WILL BE PAIN.
Sincerely,
Her Majesty, Queen Shofar of Goatinania
